Lessons Learned From Summer ’19 by Riv Lobban

It Doesn’t Have to be a ‘Hot Girl Summer’
Lessons Learned From Summer ’19
by Riv Lobban

I’ve always dreamt of the perfect summer.

The fantasy would always include beach visits, traveling the world, falling in love with the perfect guy, and functional family dynamics. It’s my mental health dream. I had had it during the last days of finals and school drama. And every day of summer, the dream would be met with disappointment, fights with my dad, missing my friends, and loneliness beyond description. By the time school started again, the deluded cycle began its’ course with no mercy.

I dreamt of the perfect summer, for the perfect moments to come and snatch me by the hair. I’d wait and wait, hold my breath and hope against hope that everything would align magically. So when everything did not happen the way I previously envisioned it to be, my drive and will to live would falter. Anger boiling, storms raging behind my eyes, and of course the multiple sessions of binging on junk food in depressed states. How to describe my mood?

In a word, unsatisfied.

Like any other summer, I gave the one of ’19 a try. My fantasy was my goal mark and I was determined to finally make it happen. Now that August is quickly closing, the journey is approaching a new beginning and I know many of you out there are or will be feeling the shift too. As a means of embracing the shift so that your life can be better than any fantasy, here are some lessons taught by the summer of ’19.

1. It doesn’t have to be a “Hot Girl Summer”

You don’t have to live this fabulous, fiercely independent lifestyle as a modern woman in order to be validated. Some songs are only meant to be listened to on your headphones while you jam out on a hot day. Working everyday for some extra cash is just as cool as traveling around the world. And if your edges aren’t laid down the way some other girls’ are, know that you’re gorgeous regardless. Your beauty starts from within. That inner beauty grows in time with your acceptance of who you are. It’s a process that takes consistency. So remember that no matter where you are, being a hot girl is something you radiate from the get go.

2. Falling for someone does not fix your life

Your partner can be one of the best gifts the universe ever gave you, but fixing your life is not one of their responsibilities. They can do whatever is in their power to make you feel better, whether it’s hugging you or texting inspirational texts, but it only does so much if nothing happens on your end. It isn’t fair for them to take your crap and be there for you like an awesome person, while you’re not doing anything for self-improvement. Don’t chase someone away because you want to stay in that sh*t and act like problems are everyone’s fault but yours. I can speak from experience, the only outcome is your being lonely and regretful. Any chance of avoiding that starts with you taking steps to becoming a better and healthier you. And while it will take time, the slow growth is better than staying stagnant in your crap.

3. Life happens, and you have to deal

This is something I substantially struggle with to this day. When bad things happen, like break-ups, friends abandoning you, losing your home, or people dropping you, the normal reaction includes throwing in the towel in a monstrous rage. A lack of control in life typically leads to wanting to losing control within ourselves. Learning that one event does not have to influence the other is essential towards upgrading your life. Doing this starts with a simple yet challenging truth (which still makes my teeth grind): not only is changing what happened impossible, but sitting in grief over it won’t do a damn thing. Punch a bag- I’m a huge fan of crying it out- when you’re ready to rise, push into it before the wave overwhelms you.

4. Growth is not a straight line

The path of growth takes many winding turns. In some cases the journey is straight for awhile. Then just as the comfort zone becomes too cozy, life throws those beloved curveballs like it’s winter time. Each challenge bends the road, causing those straight places to be made crooked and your stress levels to skyrocket. There’s no way around it but it’s more than alright. If life was that easy, getting to the good parts wouldn’t be as satisfying. Your journey is basically a song, with all the pauses being climatic moments preparing everyone for the beautifully explosive hits. Therefore, embrace the forever winding road of your life. In the end, the ride means more than the destination.

These are only the few that came to mind. I am sure that with all the days of summer she taught me more than I could ever know (or remember). In the final analysis, I learned that waiting for everything to be just right in order to live means standing on the sidelines permanently. All anyone can do is just taking the moment and making the most of it.

Author’s Note: It feels good to write for all the MissHeard Media audience. I must say, missing being here is a feeling I did not expect. Expect more content from me coming soon, and if you need any help with dealing with stress, finding outlets, or just want to say hi, hit me up using IG or Twitter. Bye lovelies! Have a blessed life 🙂

Related Reading

5 Tips to Boost Your Confidence This Summer by Brittani Dozier

Self-Discovery & Life Transitions, an interview with Claire W. and Jackie W.

Advice to my Little Sister by Amina Ahmad


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